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@tazdevil | |
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I did not have a restful sleep. I had a very dramatic dream about this girl who I was friends with in the past, but I ended my friendship with her late last year because she never used to respect my boundaries. Moreover, she was a little insulting, and quite pushy and dominating at times. She also lied about her job. She was very secretive about it, but in time, I found out the truth and lost all faith in her. So I decided to discontinue my friendship with her as it was a toxic/abusive friendship. Took me a very long time though, before I was finally able to find closure with her. Anyway, coming back to the dream. In the dream, she turned up at my house unannounced. RUDE. Then she hugged me, and told me how much she had missed me (which sounds SO sweet, but it seriously annoyed me) I excused myself, and went to the kitchen to ask my mom for advice. My mother said- well, she has made an effort and used the petrol to get here, be nice and make her feel welcome. So I'm like smiling/giggling and being nice to this girl (forced) but then I remember how she always apologizes first, and then goes back to square one (disrespectful, IMO) so I tell her to leave. At this point, she starts crying (and even begs lol) and I felt like an evil horrible HORRIBLE person. I actually woke up with a headache, worrying about it coming true. STRESSFUL. I know the chances of THAT happening are very slim, but that b*tch is crazy. You never know. Just interested to know, what would you do if someone was asking/begging you for another chance (knowing that they don't really change and always go back to square one) and how would you tackle a situation like that without feeling guilty or horrible? |
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@iilmadme | 25 March 17 |
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A choice between trying to reassure them a bit n thank them for the apology but continue to protect myself n keep them at arms' length or just telling them it gives me no pleasure n thanks anyway but no.when you are genuinely sorry you know what you deserve
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@4juice | 25 March 17 |
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b***h please, you are missing her and you decided to keep your ego with you. You are having oneitis with this girl, thats why you dreamt about her. You dont dream something if you hadnt thought about it in your day.
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@tazdevil | 25 March 17 |
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Nope, I hadn't thought about her or missed her in a very long time. But I did have a little chat with a friend about her the other day so IDK? She was sweet, loving and we got along well. I liked her when she was like that, but most of the time, she was very pushy and over-bearing. Rude and insulting, at times. I felt like walking on the eggshells. It took a very long time before I was finally able to confront her. It was time to break some shells, and wake her up lol I realized that it was better to have my feelings hurt and end it, than to constantly live in fear of how she's going to act. |
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@jayna | 25 March 17 |
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Ahh ya still a mammy's  perhaps ya dream was a thought projection from ya ma, wishing ya would get from under her feet, get married and get ya own family.
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@iilmadme | 25 March 17 |
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Maybe it's gentler n braver to let them learn they cant get away with treating you badly than to let them think it wont mess up friendships in future
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@tranie | 25 March 17 |
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his mums gonna be waiting a long long time for him to get married and have a family, for a start hes a puff
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@mikeymk | 25 March 17 |
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Sounds like guilt-fuelled self-justification to me. 
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@tazdevil | 25 March 17 |
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@ iilmadme - 25.03.17 - 10:07am Maybe it's gentler n braver to let them learn they cant get away with treating you badly than to let them think it wont mess up friendships in future True! The confrontation sucks, but it needs to happen. On a few rare occasions, I have been surprised with a positive reaction. Sometimes, if a friendship runs true or deep enough, a change can take place for the better. |
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@tazdevil | 25 March 17 |
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@ mikeymk - 25.03.17 - 10:35am Sounds like guilt-fuelled self-justification to me. Maybe :( Because I did feel guilty and horrible when I ended my friendship with her. It was very difficult to make that decision, but in the end, it was the best for me. I think feeling guilty/horrible or even missing them is normal, but the alternative is much worse. Having a toxic person like that in your life. If you're anything like me, you try to make everybody happy and be at peace with everyone, sometimes though, that does not happen. But it's no reflection on your own personal character. |
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@tazdevil | 25 March 17 |
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Anyway, I'm NOT asking whether I should patch up with this girl or not etc etc etc  I'm asking, if someone turned up at your house (unannounced) asking for a chance, then how would you tackle a situation like that? Is it okay to turn them away? |
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@iilmadme | 25 March 17 |
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I think i fall for it every time based on my past behaviour tbh lol
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@ogdenz | 25 March 17 |
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Kick them in the stones and slam the door.
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@oligarch | 25 March 17 |
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@ tazdevil - 25.03.17 - 11:00am Anyway, I'm NOT asking whether I should patch up with this girl or not etc etc etc I'm asking, if someone turned up at your house (unannounced) asking for a chance, then how would you tackle a situation like that? Is it okay to turn them away? it's okay to turn them away. Apparently it's not okay to have sex with them first. |
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@mikeymk | 25 March 17 |
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Shoulda just given her the bone. I know that's not your cup of tea but you'd have been a shit shag, and then she'd have dumped your asre instead - leaving you in peace.
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@miia | 25 March 17 |
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@ tazdevil - 25.03.17 - 11:00am Anyway, I'm NOT asking whether I should patch up with this girl or not etc etc etc I'm asking, if someone turned up at your house (unannounced) asking for a chance, then how would you tackle a situation like that? Is it okay to turn them away? Its totally ok to say no. U said no once for a good reason. When i feel dissapointed, giving a second chance is needless. I will never think about that person the same again. Also, i would think about why would i give her a second chance at all? Do i need her? Cause Friendship is all about needs. Giving and taking. Its not unconditional love. Friendship is very fragile thing. True friendship, i mean. But all of this doesnt matter if u r different person than me lol maybe u dont mind being hurt, maybe she saved your life and u feel thankfull that much u ll sw*llow her insults etc.. i would say no. If it is more trouble than joy, its a No. |
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@luvcaged | 25 March 17 |
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there's this girl I was horrible to, she was a good person, but I'd just be rude to her and disrespect her then she'd be angry and not talk to me till I apologized, it became a vicious circle of rude disrespect, apologies, friendship then disrespect again till she cut me off from her life, to be honest, I don't think I would have changed, I only changed for a while, I decided one day to let her go, she didn't deserve all my bulls**t, luckily doesn't even pick my calls now...
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@luvcaged | 25 March 17 |
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people don't change 
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@tazdevil | 26 March 17 |
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@ miia - 25.03.17 - 12:30pm Its totally ok to say no. U said no once for a good reason. When i feel dissapointed, giving a second chance is needless. I will never think about that person the same again. Also, i would think about why would i give her a second chance at all? Do i need her? Cause Friendship is all about needs. Giving and taking. Its not unconditional love. Friendship is very fragile thing. True friendship, i mean. But all of this doesnt matter if u r different person than me lol maybe u dont mind being hurt, maybe she saved your life and u feel thankfull that much u ll sw*llow her insults etc.. i would say no. If it is more trouble than joy, its a No. I'm like you lol it is virtually impossible to win me back. One cannot win me back once they've broken/taken away the trust completely. So even if I do patch up, it can never be the same again. I can't trust them so what's the truce for, when I can't put my faith in them regardless? Sometimes, if their actions weren't extremely bad and can be forgiven or if their attempt(s) manages to move me, I'll consider. But I feel it's only a way of unnecessarily keeping unnecessary negativity in your life, which you can very well do without. It's nice not seeing people who stress you out. You become a much happier and healthier person without the pernicious attitudes and unstable personalities around. |
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@tazdevil | 26 March 17 |
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But imagine them turning up at your house unannounced. What would you do if you ran into a situation like that? Could you find it in your heart to shut the door in their face, and tell them to f*ck off? I couldn't do that. That would be SO rude and churlish lol I'm very polite in person so I would find it a bit difficult to turn them away if they showed up like that. I have a very personal response regarding guilt. I hate going on guilt-trips after being rude/horrible to someone. Guilt is such a debilitating feeling. Being Hindu, I believe in karma strong on guilt, but that's a different topic Just interested to know, how others would tackle unannounced visitors. What would you do? |
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@mikeymk | 26 March 17 |
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Well if I'm busy they'd have to go until another time. And that could then be dealt with over the phone. If I'm not busy I could quickly find a way to be, so again it can be dealt with, without the awkwardness of the location. There's no good being pretentious, it doesn't solve anything. And there's no good inviting them in, then to make them feel unwelcome. It's a weird situation in this day and age, with communications as developed as they are. |
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