Have you heard of 007 v*agra?
It helps you to Roger Moore

What's the clinical term for the fear of giants???
FeeFiePhobia

And what about the guy who drank a bottle of Tippex, thinking it was liquid v*agra?
He woke up with a permanent correction.

I was sitting on the bed the other night pulling off my boxers
The wife said don't do that to the dogs, it's disgusting

I've just been to see my doctor. How can I help you? he asked.
I said, I was getting ready for work today listening to 'In The Air Tonight' when I slipped on the bathroom floor and my iPod accidentally got stuck up my a*se!
He looked at me with a puzzled face and said, I've never heard that one before.
I said, It's a Phil Collins song.

we had a blackout in our village the other day so we all stayed indoors... till they shot him

One rainy night in Stoke, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

Where to? he stammered.

City Road, answered the woman.

OK, he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, Just what the hell are you looking at?'

Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, Does this answer your question?

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, Have you got anything smaller?

My new girlfriend insists that having a small shouldn't affect our s*xlife too much...
Thats easy for her to say but to be honest, I wish she hadn't got one.