Mere words cannot convey the overwhelming feelings of shock, disbelief, numbness, and despair that can result from such tragic, unexpected losses. However, even when the death of a loved one is expected, as might be the case after his or her long illness, grief can still be very intense. No one is ever totally prepared for the death of a loved one. Nancis mother died in 2002 after a long illness. Yet, the day her mother died, Nanci sat on the hospital floor in a complete state of shock. Life seemed to have lost all meaning for her. Five years have gone by, but she still cries when she thinks of her mother.

''People never get over a loss, they just get used to it,'' stated Dr. Holly G. Prigerson. If you have lost a loved one in death, unexpectedly or not, you may wonder: 'Is it normal to grieve? How is it possible to cope with the loss of a loved one? Will I ever see my loved one again?' In this topic i will discuss these and other questions you may have.

What Is Grief?

Deep feelings of grief and sorrow when a loved one dies are not incompatible with strong faith in God. Grief is the normal and natural response to the loss of someone we love.. Grief can affect us in various ways, but for many the overriding feeling is one of intense emotional pain. Consider the experience of Leonardo, who was 14 years old when his father suddenly died from cardiorespiratory problems. Leonardo will never forget the day his aunt broke the news to him. At first, he refused to believe that it was true. He saw his fathers body at the funeral, but it all seemed strangely unreal. For about six months, Leonardo was unable to cry. Often, he found himself waiting for his father to come home from work. It took about a year before the full impact of the loss sank in. When it did, he felt terribly alone. Ordinary thingssuch as coming home to an empty housereminded him of his fathers absence. At such times, he often broke down and cried. How he missed his father!

As Leonardos experience well illustrates, grief can be intense. The good news is that recovery is possible. But, it may take some time. Just as a severe physical wound takes time to heal, so it is with bereavement. Recovering from grief may take months, a few years, or even longer. But the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen in time, and life will gradually seem less bleak and meaningless.

In the meantime, grief is said to be a necessary part of the healing process and of learning to adapt to the new situation. There is an empty space where before there was a living human. We need to adjust to life without that person. Grief may provide a necessary emotional release. Of course, not everyone grieves in exactly the same way. One thing, though, seems to hold true: Repressing your grief can be harmful mentally, emotionally, and physically. How, then, can you express your grief in healthy ways? The Bible contains some practical advice.

Coping With Grief

Many bereaved ones have found that talking can be a helpful release. Notice, for example, the words of the Bible character Job, who suffered the loss of all ten of his children and endured other tragedies. He said: ''My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!'' (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Notice that Job needed to ''give vent'' to his concerns. How would he do so? ''I will speak,'' he explained.

Paulo, who lost his mother, says: ''One of the things that has helped me is to talk about my mother.'' So talking about your feelings to a trusted friend can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) After losing her mother, Yone asked her Christian brothers to visit her more often. ''Talking helped to ease the pain,'' she recalls. You too may find that putting your feelings into words and sharing them with a sympathetic listener will make it easier to deal with them.

Writing can also be a helpful release. Some who find it difficult to talk about their feelings may find it easier to express themselves in writing. Following the death of Saul and Jonathan, the faithful man David wrote a deeply mournful song in which he poured out his sorrow. This emotional dirge eventually became part of the Bible book of Second Samuel.2 Samuel 1:17-27.

Crying may also serve as an emotional release. ''For everything there is an appointed time, even . . . a time to weep,'' says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) To be sure, the death of someone we love is ''a time to weep.'' Tears of grief are nothing to be embarrassed about. The Bible contains many examples of faithful men and women who openly expressed their grief by weeping. (Genesis 23:2; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12) Jesus Christ ''gave way to tears'' when he neared the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus, who had recently died.John 11:33, 35.

Working through grief takes patience, for you may feel that you are on an emotional roller coaster. Remember that you do not have to be ashamed of your tears. Many faithful individuals have found that shedding tears of grief is a normal and necessary part of the healing process.

The Resurrection Hope

Jesus said: ''I am the resurrection and the life. He that exercises faith in me, even though he dies, will come to life.'' (John 11:25) The Bible teaches that the dead will live again.* While Jesus was on earth, he showed that he is able to resurrect the dead. On one occasion, he resurrected a 12-year-old girl. How did her parents react? They ''were beside themselves with great ecstasy.'' (Mark 5:42) Under the rule of his Kingdom, the heavenly King Jesus Christ will resurrect untold numbers of people to life here on earthbut under peaceful and righteous conditions. (Acts 24:15; 2 Peter 3:13) Imagine the great ecstasy when the dead come back to life and are reunited with their loved ones!

Claudete, who lost her son in an airplane crash, put a photo of her son, Renato, on the refrigerator. She often looks at the photo and says to herself, We will meet again, in the resurrection. Leonardo pictures his father coming back to life in Gods promised new world. Yes, the resurrection hope is a real source of comfort to them and countless others who have lost loved ones. It can be to you too!

Draw Close to God

The Bible tells us: ''Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.'' (James 4:8) One of the prin l ways to draw close to God is through prayer. Do not underestimate its value! The Bible makes this comforting promise: ''Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.'' (Psalm 34:18) It also assures us: ''Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.'' (Psalm 55:22) Think about this. As we noted earlier, many have found it helpful to talk about their feelings with a trusted friend. Would it not be even more helpful to pour out your feelings to the God who promises to comfort our hearts?2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17.

Paulo, who was mentioned earlier, commented: ''When I just couldnt endure the pain anymore and felt that I could not cope, I would get down on my knees and pray to God. I begged him to help me.'' Paulo is convinced that his prayers made a difference. You too may find that in response to your persistent prayers, ''the God of all comfort'' will give you the courage and the strength to cope.2 Corinthians 1:3, 4; Romans 12:12.