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@lapple | |
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2 fish in a tank.. one says you drive and I'll man the guns |
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67
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0 Favourites
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@wolf1v36 | 24 August 19 |
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2 crisps having a walk, a car stops the driver offers them a lift, they replied, No thanks, we're walkers.
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@kristy59 | 24 August 19 |
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@lapple | 13 September 19 |
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. |
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@lapple | 13 September 19 |
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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@lapple | 13 September 19 |
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went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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@wolf1v36 | 14 September 19 |
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I too went to the doctors and said My hair keeps falling out, Do you have anything to keep it in? Doc said yes, is this box any good?.
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@neptun3z | 18 September 19 |
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Mary had a little lamb. So we ate bbq.
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@crail | 18 September 19 |
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@wolf1v36 | 6 October 19 |
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Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck, she put them on the table to see if they would fall off.
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@six | 6 October 19 |
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Q) what's orange and sounds like a parrot? A) a carrot
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@teddig | 8 October 19 |
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Q) whats black and dangerous and lives up a tree? A) a crow with a machine gun Q) whats white and swings through the jungle? A) tarzan on a fridge |
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@teddig | 8 October 19 |
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Q) what did the big shhhhhit do when it could not sing? A) it lay on the grass hummin
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@kristy59 | 12 October 19 |
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Nurse came and said doc, there's a man in the waiting room who thinks he's invisible, what should I tell him? The doctor replied, tell him I can't see him today
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@lapple | 12 October 19 |
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Next doors lad told me that my dog keeps chasing the postman on a bike, I told him it's ok I've took the bike off him
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@lapple | 12 October 19 |
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*
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
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@lapple | 12 October 19 |
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
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@neptun3z | 23 October 19 |
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A chicken walks into a bar. Barman yells oi we dont serve paultry around here chicken replies thats okay. I'll have a beer instead
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@jayna | 31 October 19 |
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A lapple a day keeps the  away. Lapple,s are good for your  you can make lapple pie, lapple crumble, lapple struggle, lapple cake, lapple cider, mullar sell lapple rice pudding, lapple swine, stuffing with lapple. I aye finished with yow yet.
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@1owlcity | 1 November 19 |
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Husband: Love, every night, I can't sleep at all. Wife: Why, Love? Husband: Maybe it's because I owed money to my friend worth 2 million dollars. Wife: If I were you send him a message that says, I can't pay my debt, so that you will calm down and he will be the one who can't sleep at night. Husband: That's a great idea! Now I can peacefully sleep at night, my Love. |
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@wolf1v36 | 12 February 20 |
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What's
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