I'll start, one for the guys here. Stop sprinkling on you shoes when you pee, put your feet together right under the bowl

Does not work with urinals

Hover when using public toilets

moisten the 2nd to last handful of tp under a tap for that extra fresh feeling on your hoop

Ah the unfaver thing still broke eh

Just be a nice human.

Always be urself.. Treat others how u expect to be treated

Dont piss into the wind

Never say never

If ya aye got no water to wash us paws, after visiting the bog. Spit on them.

Is that not the whole point of washing your hands? To get the piss off them?

Avoid conflict unless absolutely necessary and unavoidable. Always be nice to animals. Always be nice to other people even if you don't like them. Always wear a condom- Even when you're not having sex. Always write thank you letters when you recieve gifts. Try to eat less meat.

Eat five fruit and veg a day

People poke fun out of me for sitting down to pee, and then piss on their clothes..?

Other benefits of sitting down include never getting grief for leaving the toilet seat up.

Be more patient is one i need to try

when wanting spikey hair, proceed to dampen finger then place securely into an electrical appliance and sing

Yeah but youll never piss a sh*t stain off the inside of the toilet bowl like that

Get a bag of Fritos corn chips and open the top.
Heat up a can of chili and dump it in the bag of Fritos.
Add shredded cheese, chopped onions or whatever else sounds good.
Get a spoon, stir it up and chow down on your easy Frito Pie.

You've been trained well, at least you don't have to worry about a woman asking about how you can pee standing up.