(new) bald tyres [65]
Just pulled a woman to the side in tesco carpark and told her, her 2 front tyres are bald and have wire coming out of them on her family 7 seater, and

(new) my ear is burning. [18]
someone is talking about me! do you believe in superstitions like this? there some fker talking about me i know that.

(new) celebrities [18]
acts of kindness do you know any? keanu reeves shared out 80 million to the behind the scenes people of the matrix. he believes they dont get enough c

(new) a will [34]
do you have a will? what have you got to leave? ive got a can of lynx and some spaceship sherbert sweets!

(new) stalked: someones watching [43]
on really channel now. stalkers not nice people at all vile human beings. breaking all kinds of privacy laws. log everything down and report to police

(new)
i cant be fkd to youtube lol

(new)
if my cheeks are burning i been on the whiskey.

(new)
@ xxzeroxx - 27.03.14 - 04:44pm Did you answer the iron instead of the phone again?im dopey b

(new)
retreaded tyres fkin hell they dont last two minutes.

(new)
@ kelypso - 27.03.14 - 04:36pm I'm off the road as of Saturday. For two whole weeks. I'm dying here.</i

(new) Tweets of hilarity [1678]
Probably stretching hilarity there but nonetheless, this is a topic for tweets which you find funny or any other short stuff you think is funny, i wi