Mary had a little lamb,
a little toast,
a little jam,
a little pizza
and some cake,
some French fries
and a chocolate shake,
a little burger
on a bun.
And that's why Mary
weighs a ton

Happy I leave with doughnuts in my hands
Which I will eat until my jeans are tight
And do so 'till my corpulence demands
I never, ever take another bite.
O happy day! On which I will not fight
My burning want to dine and binge and graze
On only jelly doughnuts through the night,
Licking the icing, relishing the glaze.
O happy joy! I could do this for days
Or months or years-- perhaps until I die
Which by that time my fatness will amaze,
And in a pile of crullers dead I'll lie.
I'll eat my doughnuts to please me alone,
And eat and eat 'til ev'ry doughnut's gone

Lust




I'm deep in l*st with leg of lamb.
My heart's ablaze for country ham.
A hand-tossed round with extra cheese
Will bring me, panting, to my knees.
I burn for fresh filet of sole.
A hot dog makes me lose control.
For apple pie my passions rage.
Food is the s*x of middle age!

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

People can be so 'in your face' these days. Only last night a complete stranger asked me if I preferred legs or .

I told him that, actually, I liked hairy fannies, but it turned out that this wasn't an option with the KFC bargain bucket.

I have finally found what the best thing before sliced bread was.

MASSIVE SANDWICHES!

My mate once spent an entire month eating just Hula Hoops, Donuts and Polos......

Holy s**t

A man in a pub sees another man standing at the bar with carrots in his ears. He walks across and asks the guy, Excuse me, sir, but why do you have carrots in your ears?

Sorry, can't hear you mate, I've got carrots in my ears.