*** Dad asked hiz son,whenever i beats u,how do u stop d anger?? Son replies:: i start cleanin d toilet.. Dad asked.: how does dat helps u? Son ::. I clean it wit your tooth brush ***

Which of d cats did u think wz d biggest boy ??

*** A naked woman boards a taxi in Onitsha 1 nite.D igbo driver keeps starin n does not start d taxi.d folling conversation ensures:: ...WOMAN: u neva c a naked woman b4??? DRIVER.:: i no dey look o! I just dey wonder were u keep d money u wan take pay me ***

hahahah.very funny.interesting

Eagle........laf as u like.lets hav urz if any ma dearest

a man walkes into a bar... Ouch!

A Monkey ask his mom that mom y are we so ugly and she said my-son we are not ugly than the person who read dis joke.

7months old twin babies in d womb saw comin 2wardz dem.D 1st baby said,see daddy is comin insyd 2 say hello! .D 2nd baby said.. Fool!! It's uncle,Daddy neva comez in witout a Raincoat.

One a lady's weddin day,D pastor asked d usual question Any1 who feels diz couple suld not b joined in holy matrimony suld speak or 4eva remain silent.A young man raised his hand.

Seeing him,d lady fainted n wen she waz revived,D pastor asked d man, Y did u raised ua hand ??. D man replied.... I been just wan tell una say we no dey hear una 4 back.

1day,a man wz sittin in his office on d 18th floor of a buildin when a man came runnin in 2 his office nd shouted john!!,Ua daughter Anna jst died in an accident right opposite d buildin.

D gantleman wz in panic.not knowin wat 2do.he jumped out tru his office window.

While comin down,wen he wz on d 14 floor,he remembad dat he does not hv a daughter named Anna.

Wen he wz near d 7th floor,he remembad he wz nt yet married.wen he wz abt 2 hit ground,he remembad he wz not john!

Dis is what stress does.Take tym n relax as much as u can.it's not all abt work! Work!! Work!!!

2boycee.....i lyk it dear.

A 3year old boi asked by his uncle 2 make a sentence.D boy immediately noticed a dog passin by and said... uncle,this is a dog!. Suprised, d uncle smile n said,dat's gud my boi.Now mak a long sentence.D boy smiled n said.. Uncle,it's simple naa. This is a dogooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!!

A gal came home wit a bag of mangoes.Her mom asked' haven't i told u not 2 climb a tree dat boy will see ua pant? D gal replied ' u think am stupid! I took it off b4 i climb !! Hahahaaaaa

Two children were sitting outsyd d clinic.one of dem were cryin very loudly..
2nd child: why are u crying??
1st child: i came here 4 blood test.
2nd child: so? Are u afraid??
1st child: No,not that. For d blood test,they cut my finger.
At this,d second child starts crying.D first one wz astonished.
1st child: Why are u crying now??
2nd child: i have come 4 my urine test.

3 guys were gistin at a beer palour.D 1st guy said wen my wife wz pregnant she wz readin a book.a tale of 2 cities and she gave birth 2 twins.

..D 2nd guy said his wife was readin d three musketeer and she gave birth 2 triplets.

D 3rd guy dropped d beer n started runnin home.wen dey got 2 his house,dey saw him burning a book. And dey ask him Y??.
He said,his wife wz readin Ali baba n 4 thieves and now shes pregnant. Not in diz house. Hahaaaaaaa!!

A man wz drivin his bus 4rum portharcourt 2 lagos.He had sticker in his bus dat said He will give his Angels charges ova me. by d tym he got 2 warri,he ws doin 135km/h.D passengers cautioned him but he responded by sayindon't u see d sigh,d Angels are on guard

He approached benin on speed of 185km/h. by d tym passengers got nervous and decided 2 get down except d Driver. mumu faithless people! dey don't beliv d Angels ar on guard he said as he drove on.

Nearing Ore,he was confortably crusing at 250km/h when he heard people on his bus shouting Abeg oga drop us o!! We no dey go again!! .....puzzled,he looked around....shebi i dropped all my passingers in benin... So na who dey talk?? ... Oga drop us o!... Na we be d Angels on guard. U wan kill us? We no dey go again!! ..Na den our driver drove into lagos wit reasonable speed 35km/h.

Three desperate ill men met dia doctors 1day 2 discuss dia options.1 wz An alcoholic.. Chain smoker and a hmos*xual. The doctors, adressin all of dem said if u indulge in these vices one more time,u wil surely die.they left d doctors office n each convinced dat he wil not indulge in such again.

While walkin 2wards d subway for dia return,they passed a bar.An acoholic,hearin d loud noise n beer aroma.he couldn't stop him self. Hiz buddies accompanied him into d bar where he took 3shots of whiskey.As soon as he drops d tumbler,he fell of 4rum his stool n died.

His companion somewhat shaken,let d bar n realized how serious they must take d doctor's words.

As they walk along,they come up a cigarette b*tt lying on d ground still burning.
The hmos*xual looked at d chain-smoker n said You know if u bend over to pick that up,we're both dead.

As d plane wz going overseas,D pilot realized dat after they had taken off dat d plane wz carring 2much of weight n if they didn't lighten d load,they were going 2 crash.

So,dey dropped off d freight,d plane wz still heavy,den d lauggages,still heavy too!. So d pilot Announced 2 d passengers what wz goin on n asked 15 volunteers 2 jump off d plane wit para e.d navy had been alerted,so dey would hv ships waitin 4 dem below n dey would get pass 2 fly free on this Airline 4 d rest of dia lives.

No one budged.

So d pilot say's Ok,we're goin 2 pick people 2 jump but fairly.we'll go by Alphabets,race by race. Please! African American step 2 d front of d plane now!

No one moved.

All blacks,step 2 the front please!
No one moved.

All coloured step 2 the front please!
No one still moved.

At this point,a little nigerian boy asked him father,Dad aren't we African American,Black or coloured ???

D father replied n said No son,Today we're Negros and if sum1 dosen't hurry up n step up 2 d front, we're gonna be Zulu!!

A bride tells ha husband honey,u kno i'm a virgin nd i don't kno anytin abt s*x.can u xplain it 2 me?
Ok swithrt,we wil call ua private place d prison and call my private thing d prisoner so,wat we do is,put d prisoner insyd prison and dey made luv 1st tym.

Afterward,d guy is lyin face up on d bed,smilin in satisfaction. He'z wife giggles n said honey! D prisoner seems 2 hv escaped don't worry darlin,we will re-imprison him again! Dey made luv again.

D wife,thoroughly enjoyed d new xperience of makin luv.gives him smile n saidhoney! D prisoner is out again. Alright sweety,d man struggles wit all his strength n made luv again. Afta wardz,he lay back on his bed totally xhusted.

5mins later,she giggles darlin,d prisoner hv xcaped again o!. .... D husband Yells!!! u want 2 kill d prisoner?? It's not life sentence ok.abeg slip mak i slip oooO!!

An 18yr old gal ws impregnated nd ha dad ws shoutin,cursing nd sayin who ws dat pig dat did this to u?? D gal pick ha fone nd makes a call....

Half hour,a ferrari car stopped in their house nd a fine impaccable well dressed young man wit an xpensive suit enta dia house..

He sits in d livin rum nd tell d father nd d mother of d gal sayin U daughter had informed me what happened but I can't marry ha bcos of my personal family situations but i wil take care of d child nd d gal 2 d highest level.

If she gave birth 2 a gal,i wil build a duplex 4 ha, a jeep nd giv ha 2millon. If its a boy..i wil giv built a duplex,a jeep,giv him 5million nd part of my wil. But if she has a miscarriage,wat do u suggest i slud do??

D father placed his hands on d man's shoulder nd said U will sleep with ha again