I probably should not try to answer your question but it is better than no answer at all. Trw asking the ones you can see what is keeping them from passing on as the phase goes. Then compare the answers you get to your mom's life. I have a question for you, why is it so important to see or hear your mom after so much time? Why not remember the pleasant times you shared with her?

i miss her so much an need her now just been through domestic violence

What morals did your parents instill in you lead by that and be proud of who you are obviously the good also think of what o how she would react to give you some answers..what she used to say. Be more realistic and live your life i say.

thankyou