A sandwich walks into a bar.The barman says''Sorry we dont serve food in here''

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said,''Are you two an item?''

A Corry-load of tortoise crash into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

son: can u read in da dark?
papa: no
son: 0k then signature on my marks report

Q:What did the digital clock say to his mother? A:Look ma no hands!

question: what did the ar told the thunder? ans: wait im going for a spin!

Santa: Darling! Why do you love a rose that dies in a day, but don't love me who dies for you everyday?
Jeeto: Haye ve Rabba! Haye main marja! Kanjra, enni angreji?(Oh my God! Oh God may take my breath! Scoundrel, you utter so much English!)

Birthday Cake
For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
You are not getting older,
You are getting better.
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom.
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to servethe cake that he discovered it read:
YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOUARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.

Museum Watchman: That's a 500 yearold statue you have broken.
Funny Short Man: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A Funny short man & his wife go to a coffee house. Funny short man buys 2 cups of coffee.
Funny Man: Drink quickly... drink quickly... before it gets cold.
Wife: But why...
Funny Man: They charge Rs. 50 for hot coffee and Rs 100 for cold coffee.

In New Delhi, Blue-line buses are notorious for killing people in accidents.
Today a Blue-line bus driver saved
2 lives.
How z that possible ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He did not go to job today.

A Funny husband was returning homeafter cremating his wife.
He sees heavy lightning and thunderstorm in the sky.
Funny Husband thinks: She must have reached there.

Teacher to Student: Kid, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy from him?
Student: No, teacher, it's about the same dog!

Santa was weeping at a grave, Whydid you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life.
Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Santa: My wifes first husband.

hahaha